Street theatre

[excoriator]

A recent fine performance has caused much entertainment around here. Here's the way the local council proceeds.

First following replacement of perfectly acceptable kerbs over perhaps a mile or two of main road, you engaged a company to to paint all the road markings. They do a brilliant - and probably very expensive - job of this, adding in a cycle path at the side of the road in different colour non-slip surfacing, and delimited from the traffic by double white lines. By the shops they stick things to discourage parking along the edge of the cycle track to discourage parking. They are about 2" high mini projections spaced about six feet apart. Parking continues as normal with vehicles driving over and between them, but no matter. The end result looks truly splendid.

Having done so, you then engage another company to resurface the whole lot, kerb to kerb with black asphalt covering the whole bloody lot.

As the result, of course, is that there are no road markings, so you call in the previous contractors to do the whole thing again.

Then and only then, you announce that they have run out of money and the local library has to close.

The fun is of course immensely improved by the fact that the road has to be closed for these improvements to be carried out.

Oh how we laughed! Nothing like a bit of humour to brighten a dull lockdowne day.

[jonjel]

You have my sympathies Exco.

In my small town the wisdom that is called he town council decided to shut the High Street. All so that pedestrians can socially distance on the pavements dontcha see. And they put bloody great bins at strategic points which may one day be full of flowers, enormous bright yellows signs , white lines and road markings and all else besides. Oh, and they moved the main bus stop from town to a kind of main road that runs parallel with it. A once rather nice quant old town has been defaced beyond belief.

The result is absolute chaos. Deliveries are now one way only, which means lorries coming one way, the normal way suddenly are confronted by signs and have to make a detour, only a mile or so, so not a problem. Well not to the council.

As for traffic, absolute bloody chaos. What used to be a little drive through town, or indeed the other way if we wanted of just a couple of minutes has become a gridlocked unpleasant drive, and if a bus pulls in, since there is no bus layby, just total lunacy.

Oh, and the traders in the High Street, the ones that pay a lot of business rates. They were not consulted or asked in any way. The result is few people go into the High Street on foot, so the problem the Council were trying to solve, which never was a particular problem, has been moved to a fairly narrow little arcade, the only access from the man car park to the High Street. And trade in the High Street, according to a god friend who has a family run business there that has been operating since about 1920, is down by half, not half pre covid, half post covid.

These people are bloody morons and don't care because few if any live here.

[excoriator]

I think complaining about the council is part of the social fabric of our way of life. You may have a difference of opinion with your neighbour, but at least you agree that the concil is composed of morons. You are as one on that and it is a valuable way of binding the community together.

I recall a 'street cleaner' in my village when I was a boy. I can see him in my minds eye now. Long coat, flat hat, moustache. He might have been drawn by Spike Milligan. His job was to sweep the streets, but his approach to this was as far as I know unique. The head of the broom was placed in the gutter the end of the handle (which he'd cut to length) was lodged against his sternum. With his hands firmly in the coat pockets, and bent slightly forward, he proceeded along the village streets in this manner, pausing only to chat to a passing friend. To the best of anyone's knowledge, he had never been known to pick up the results of his sweepings and put it into a bin.

My theory was that he wore the litter down into dust which ended up being swept away by rain, but he may have simply enjoyed watching the empty fag packets etc. rolling over and over as he ambled along.

Without exception, everyone complained about him, but when he finally retired a collection was organised and I think everyone contributed to it. Probably in recognition of the years in which he'd united the community in shaking their heads over him and tutting at his ineffectiveness.

[jonjel]

Problem with councillors is we elect them, and it is often those with the loudest voices, or the backing of a political party that get elected. And many then simply follow the party line. In my experience they fall into two groups. Those who are simply incompetent, and those who are incompetent and bloody rude as well. And they are pretty well paid for a part time job.

I have spoken a couple of times at council meetings, objecting to a ghastly building. Complete waste of time as I am certain the deal had been signed and sealed way ahead of any objectors stating their case. A lot of whiskey in the bricks as well I suspect.

You are allowed three minutes, and I was rudely switched off the first time after no more than two. So the next time I took a 6" diameter stop clock from the works with me and set it going facing the councillors, some of whom were simply chatting to each other and not remotely interested in hearing what was said. However I made sure the press were there and they reported things more or less as they were, and my interview with them after the meeting was not time limited….

[excoriator]

As a boy in the pre-TV days in South Wales, our village had a number of performances. There were choirs, some solo singers, an amaterur dramatics group, and the schools gave performances. I must have attended dozens if not hundreds of these performances in the audience or performing.

At every one, you could guarantee that at the end, a local councillor (invariably seated in the first row) would rise to his feet and - on behalf of every one there - thank the performers for their efforts in a short speech which ensured they remained in full view of the public. On one occasion one of these creatures rose to his feet to address the audience but before he could open his mouth a coarse voice was heard from the back of the hall shouting "Sit down and shut up you silly bugger. Nobody wants your performance as well!" or words to that effect.

The dignitary sat down, red faced, to thunderous applause from everyone there delighted to see authority deflated.

It didn't do any good of course. At the next show, there he was as usual thanking the performers on our behalf, utterly unabashed!