Wot I saw on the Bat TV

[kipper]

Bat TV w/e 23

well ... caught Nigella again. This week she decided to add some chocolate to a 2 kilos of fat and a 2 kilos of sugar ... then chucked some toffee over it. She (really!) also crushed up some Crunchie bars ...and chucked those in a well.
There's always a tradition among "real personality" cooks to come is with bullshit about something every thinking person knows not to do:

First : loads of fat and sugar , without any respite ( "ooo my gooey sticky double choc pudding is a favourite" ) is $hit to eat.
There's no way of disguising it with daft comments like:
"it's very rich"
TRANSLATION: it's way tooo much unhealthy cr@p for anyone except an American obese kid from Milwaulkee.
or
"it's naughty ... but worth going over the top on this one" TRANSLATION: try to impress your guests by overdoing something so much, they'll applaud your excess... like lighting your cigar with a 10 quid note.

Second
"pour all the juices back into the sauce"
TRANSLATION ..pour all the fat you studiousely got out of the meat, without thinking for a moment that there's a little too much for the hearts of your children to handle"

"I like to use a good amount of real goose fat in my XYZ"
TRANSLATION - I'm a complete tit, who doesn't realise that even the local ASBO kids can spell :'hyper-unsaturated fat'

" just add a knob of butter to thicken the sauce"
TRANSLATION - Add some more fat to a meal that is swimming in it already. I could reduce the gravy or add a little cornflour - but I can't be shagged"


Still - Nigella's bust just keeps on growing ... and she's the best comedy on TV


Oh yeah ... and I watched the footie......

[sandywinder]

If anything should be banned from the telemachine it should be all
these cooking programmes encouraging fatties to eat more food.

Obesity is probably one of the biggest health problems in the country.

[kipper]

The only consolation for me is that the Top Chefs only actually serve the Fat-Arsed and Well-Waded. If you're determined to scoff at Ramsey's ...you're gonna leave with little change from £100.
Now, I know Prince Daz and DJ Sandy can dip into some private income...but for most of us plebs, 100 smackers on some nosebag is just not what we do.

The nice thing is that wonkas like Jeff Archer and Jonny Ross will have the fat-induced heart attacks ...and not the proletariat ! And - they'll pay through the nose to have the pleasure. Now THAT'S REAL SALEMANSHIP !


My real problem comes with Nigella --- is it really a bad death to be suffocated by her chocolate sauce covered chest , while burning a roll of 50 quid notes ? Mmmm ... tough one.....

[topsy]

I'm worried about your foodie-fixation, oh caped one. There are other progs on da box. Try History.

Also sometimes films one doesn't mind seeing again.

Mon & Tues nights brought "Prime Suspect 5 " with Dame Helen grittily solving gritty crime whilst leaping into bed with a new and dodgy boss...meaty, very!

[kipper]

Tops
I'll let you into a Television Critic's secret ... if it's not on while dinner is being cooked/scoffed at da breakfast bar, then it's hardly watched ( barring Footie/Rigby and have-yer-cuppa-watch-anyfink times)

I'd like to plan a nice gap for a decent film or two - but I've lost the will to give a shag. I thought I would remember to watch the Might Booshy again ... but I even forgot that.

Cooking Jerks dominate the early evening shift AFAIK.

Shall I review late night BBC News 24 clips ?

I'll get me cape.....

[topsy]

Kipper:

It's obvious that you have Something Else to do in the evenings.Whereas I...don't

Good on ya!

[kipper]

TOP PRFORMER : "Kipper:

It's obvious that you have Something Else to do in the evenings.Whereas I...don't

Good on ya!"


Very kind - I wish I were so cosmopolitan as to be out and abaht wiv the polymath crowd, Truth be told, I'm always 10 steps behind on 50 projects (all of which are probably pedestrian) which explains my tardiness on Thee Schedules, innit.

BatTV Thurs.
I have watched theee footie ( missed the first half :-) !
And my mind drifted off into architectural dreams .... Why is it, that even the most (so called) palatial grounds are always an unwelcoming arrangement...for fans that spend a fortune on that plastic seat ? Don't they derserve (a) decent food and drink (b) loos (c) views (d) bum comfort ?
For such an expensive few hours, you'd think there were something more enticing than a concrete, plastic and corrugated iron playpen? And then I woke up ... silly me, everyone knows that Football clubs have a proud history of treating their own fans with total contempt.

5 minutes of some "housing" show.
People from Birmingham were shown speaking garbage at each other while they drifted around some semis... Designed, mainly, as homages to Thee Temple of Argos. It's always an education to see avarice, driving ambition, into the cul-de-sac of waning hope. I feel advantaged that I will probably not buy an overpriced rabbit hutch built by a moron. Unfortunately , most of our kids will.

I seem to have lost my laughing hat, all of a sudden ... sorry 'bout that !

[kipper]

Bat TV Thurs 6 Dec

Well ... I watched thios all the way through ( nearly) while tucking into a great Moussaka.

Trinny & Sussanah + lots of old girls.
T & S were looking at old women's body shape ... and how lots of them hide their figure and amplify the attitude of "dropping into the background" amonst the old. ( a lengthy and deep discussion could ensue from that alone)
The old birds were game enough to strip to bra and pants and have a critique done on themselves. Then, basically, they all went shopping with Trinny & Sussanah for more "stylish" clobber.

In the meantime.... Sussanah ( or was it Trinny?) had herself falsely "aged" with prosthetics etc ... to experience the dudgery of what she may look like at 70.


So ... you expecting a mile of expeltive from me on this??? Well , I won't ...'cos I find these 2 debutant rejects quite engaging on this territory. They had some real love for the old girls ... and I realised what a rare experience it was to see more "senior" citizens treated to some fun/identity/opinion moments. I liked it -- I thought it was quite "human" in it's whole approach ... very minimal media patronisation of da public , was in evidence.

So, 8/10 to Trinny and Sussanah for this piece of fluff.

I'm getting soft ! I'll be watching soaps next ( yeah ... from my grave that is .... sod that !)

--------------

Mighty Boosh
Saw it on-line ( do I need a telly anymore?) and I like the talking octopus head character.
These boys are still keeping the quality up - hope they don't get spoilt.

[loop]

I no longer watch telly (damned ads treat me like an kid, and the volume!!!!) so I download my favourites.

Boston Legal - Series 4 - just brilliant.

Denny Crane

[topsy]

Odd film last night:"21 Grams" (the weight said to leave everyone's body when they die).

Eccentric editing, but good performances, especially Sean Penn.
(Wonder if Madonna's sorry now?)

Curious casting of Birkett-Gainsborough daughter as his wife.

[kipper]

BatTV Thursday night.

Watched "Tank Man" .. a long doc on all the events and 'stuff' around that picture of the Chinese bloke who stood up against the Chinese Army Tanks in Tiannamen Square.
It was vair good. Reminded us (all) of the fact that the Chinese Gov. called out the Army and killed hundreds of its own citizens in ...when was it ?? Yes ...1989 ...not so bloody long ago.

What followed was all the other stuff .... Chinese censorship since, the way they REALLY behave, Google and Yahoo and Cisco backing them up in their uniquely high-tech way etc etc etc .

Lovely factette: The (Canadian?) journo who took the picture, took it from a balcony. After he took it , he noticed the Chinese Secret Service were also gawping at the Square from every high vantage point ...and spotted him. He went inside his room, and decided to put the film in a cannister and drop it into the loo cistern....15 minutes later, they raided his room and took as much film as they could muster - thinking they had scotched the shot. He sneaked back 2 days later ...hoping someone hadn't flushed ! Thus , one of the most famous images in the C20th survived.

[piccione]

I watched TV!!

Ok, only for about 10 mins - and (sadly) it was the X Factor.

Danny Minogue said to one of the contestants that he was welcome to sing for Xmas in the Minogue household.

My partner said he was going to take up singing lessons - to which I replied that he was a bit too old to have (teenage) TV/celebrity ambitions.

To which he replied: “No, I just want to be invited to the Minogue household.’

God…he has no ambition at all! I’d aim for the Depp household at the very least!

[Daz Madrigal]

I watched Oliver Twist because there was nothing on the 60 odd other channels - the bloke from Dire Straits was correct...nothing but reality leavened by American cast offs. It was a modern off shoot that bore little resemblance to the original. The scriptwriter evidently thinks his writing is superior to Dickens. It isn't.

The crumblies liked it...which in itself is ample evidence to deem it as unwatchable. Daz switched off midway though the proceedings. The original is always best..no tin-foiled Star trek rejects for Christmas ghosts please..its Victorian and not set in a teenage youth centre. Okay!

[sandywinder]

I can't believe that the imagination of the BBC is so pathetically bad they have to make yet another Twist.

The real twist is the licence fee.

[kipper]

....and before The Minister puts a stop to it ...

"Please Sir, can I have a whore"

------------------

I told you lot that I only see what's on the box at tea time.
So... Heston Blumenthal .... cooked up one of his scientific specials. Christmas lunch with Reindeer Milk, pipe-perfumed Goose served on a leather plate and ice cream cooked with liquid nitorgen ( ALL true, folks)

It was pretty interesting ... because it was all new and a bit mad.
I would never go to his Restaurant ... not because his weird food is so ...er...weird. I simply couldn't stand to mix with a load of rich kids troughing because it's expensive and the "thing to do" (you know what I mean ... 62% of any Friday evening Grand opera audience)
The shame about folk like Heston and the like - is that his whole existence is dependent on the vulgar rich, bull**itting publishers and media luvvies. I suppose it's a small price to pay.... or is it ?