Wot I saw on the Bat TV

[kipper]

The Gov. don't watch the weather forecast ... they're already a shower ...boom boom !

Bat TV - Monday-Tues
More Flood-o-roonie.

Many folks were getting water supplies now that they've lost Electricity and Water.

This involved dragging big tanks of water into streets ....or giving out 10000s of plastic water bottles. Many people shoved and elbowed their way to a few precious bottles. Not exactly the "Dunkirk Spirit" that Executioves and Politicians have been going on about.

Reporters are now venturing into the danger zone - real people in their houses. There we see that they have very wet carpets. Some folk are "bravely" seeing out the disaster ....by...er... living upstairs and blocking the door off. Therefore media interviews are carried on through a window... like Jackanory.

The troops have sandbagged a Power Station ... so some 'leccy flows. The power station looked powerless.

All eyes are now toward Oxford etc for "Rainy Wednesday" - where there maybe a top up to the flood waters.

Gordon Brown has said there will be even more money.

A very fat Policeman Chief said it could be a state of emergency. Especially if he runs out of pies.

Pundits are trying to estimate the size of insurance claims - many are saying that it is "big".

The Army has been roped in ... but there are so many away on War stuff, the turnout is a bit thin....so they got the navy.

Mr Brown visited the stricken areas - then he went away again.

[sandywinder]

Pretty good idea getting the navy in.

They can throw their hands up in the air when they get their feet wet and cry "Surrender". And some of them will then sell their story to thee News of Thee Worlde.

[kipper]

All the nice girls like a sailor.

Wednesday BatTV
Didn't bother to look much as we're down to mud and insurance claims for most people. The Reporters have now all turned into Accountants ...and they're adding up the cost of claims and disasters. The experts are saying it's Billions. I say Trillions just to be different.

Oxford is now flooding... but it looks like Abingdon to me (BBC can't be @rsed to put up labels anymore - they've got bored with flood stuff) or around the Cherwelll Ferry. Both are not particularly "rich" areas ...so that's all right then !

I would've thought Oriel College might have been risky, given the river bend in front, but floods are turned away by weight of self-confidence flowing from thee dreaming spires ...and they should escape. (who cares it's end of term ! )

Gordon Brown has stopped increasing the money - and is now concentrating on water deliveries. All the street Bowsers (spelling?) are empty !!!

Good old UK - can't even get some H2O delivered - what a shower...or rather - what a no shower, or rather, what a no show. Blimey, I've gotta cut down on the carbs.

The Queen has sent a message to flood victims saying she's "shocked and horrified".

Prince Philip was rumoured to have also considered a message: "We're safe and just getting in a nice hot tub - eat lead, Plebs !!!" That Phil , he's a card !

[Daz Madrigal]

I'm glad Oxford is flooded.

Its about time the Oxbridge Boat Race had a new venue with some interesting corners to manouvre.

All it need is the River Cam to overflow and we can run it over two legs. Or boats.

[piccione]

I watched TV!!

I gotta share this rare event....and it was pretty /good/ too!

The Top Gear Polar Special.

I was gutted the dog sledge didn’t win the race. But I know now what essentials to bring for a North Pole expedition: a toilet seat, plenty of G + T - and Spam.

[kipper]

What was it about - Picc, you can't just throw up a TV Times schedule !

[piccione]

Well erm…Kip…I thought everyone watched Top Gear religiously…

Don’t tell me that’s just so in our household.

Even the dog is addicted. I felt obliged to back him up in his support for Richard Hammond on the dog sled, because he gave me that warning ’don’t-even-think-about-it’ look.

Besides, Jeremy Clarkson and James May had it so much more comfy on the 450 mile trip to the pole, in their specially adapted truck - their only worry being breaking through thin ice or their a*ses freezing to the bog seat attached to the back of the truck. Tch!

And drink-driving…well I don’t know (…hope Sands didn’t watch it)....stuffing themselves with chocolate, arguing about Spam, digging the truck out of deep slush, friendly encounters with a couple of polar bears, complaints about cold and uncomfortable sleeping quarters....

What else...?

Jeez....watch it yourself!

www.topgear.com/content/news/stories/2067/

Oh yeah and Matty was in it too, in charge of the dog sled.

Nice bit of kite-skiing, Matty!

[kipper]

Sat --- Whenever BatTV

Unfortunately (fortunately?) no TV access, unless I'm determined for a swift peek at some soap stars or idiots in a house ... which I'm not.

Before I left , did catch the last programe of "End of Greek Democracy" (or summat) Where a tame and media-pretty Historian female walked around Athens and described Aristotle and the Early Greek democratic experiments. Very interesting, if Mizz Media Historian didn't keep gurning at the camera and trying to be dramatic... she was poor at "da big statement" sorta thing...but she wouldn't be told...oh no.
Plenty of shots of media brunette walking around ruins recounting facts( not enough facts) and talking to the occassional tame academic ( "Hello, we're standing in a ruin, can I aks you one question ,,, then you can sod off back to your lab ...sorry it took all bloody day, but you'll be on telly!")

Quite good ... would've been nice to get onto that crawler, Plato, but a new presenter would be a pleasant change.

Director was a knob end -- and obviously
(a) boogered up the shooting schedule so he was left shooting in near darkness...yes, when it DID matter actually!
(b) overlooked "Directing Lesson 2" - Show me where I am. If there's a noise at odds with the pictures - show me what it is ... edit sound to pictures.... unless you're doing a pop video.
(c) Establishing shots do not mean establishing someone's legs or raincoat.

I'll have to review the radio for a little while :-)

Bat Radio 4
"You & Yours" ----- someone said there should be extra handles on supermarket trolleys for very short people ...everyone agreed, except a Tesco representative, who said short people mattered but not above everyone else
That was about the essence of the whole program :-)

[kipper]

No Telly at al

Except ...

Deliberately bunked into someone's house to see the Minnesota Bridge go down...and it really did ... like a bad souffle.
Terrible.

The Extra LArge Finger Of Blame was brought out pretty quickly though --- everyone's got a defence and a red plastic "blame pusher" that directs the finger to A.N. Other Person.
I'm thinking of getting one of those blame diverters myself.... could come in handy ...like...every sodding day !

[sandywinder]

So why weren't you there to save the people, Kipper?

Surely you could have held up the bridge with your bare hands while all the people got out alive?

But all you do all day is not watch the Bat TV.

I am disappointed.

I suppose you were saving all the cows from Foot and Mouth instead?

Too late for that one as well, eh?

[kipper]

Ev'nin Sands ... apologies for singular late night posts ... every day is a hard day away from thee keyboard...


Sandy Lane : "So why weren't you there to save the people, Kipper?

Surely you could have held up the bridge with your bare hands while all the people got out alive"

That's Superman, you muppet ... I only have a Utlility Belt chock full of high science stuff ... a bit like a brainy roofer, or summat.
Those Minnesotans were toast before I could even get the Batmobile outa the garage ( Bat starter motor is a bit dodgy)

"I suppose you were saving all the cows from Foot and Mouth instead? Too late for that one as well, eh?"

Au contrare. mon brave. This week I have saved many old cows from putting their foot in their mouth. Robin's Auntie is a right one for saying inappropriate things to his special friends ... I usually divert her with a Werthers Original.
I tried her with a fake Werthers once .... she was OK with it, but lost a fortune at cards at the W.I. - A la recherche de Trumps perdu.

[sandywinder]

Methinks you aint Batman after all but:

[kipper]

Oh Yeah ?

Mange mon shorts

[kipper]

Obviously not seeing any Bat TV

Plenty of Radio though ....

Heard a brilliant program on how the British simply "gave away" world leading technology to the Americans in excahneg for war machinery and manufacturing assistance.

We sent over our top Scientist (apparently) with a suitcase. In it was the Capacity Magnetron. What it did was a 100 times more powerful than the Americans (or anyone else) could achieve. Our Great Government handed it over for some bomb aiming gear and manufacturing access. What did the Magnetron do ? Enabled Radar to be installed in aircraft/tanks etc..... oh and was the basis for the Microwave and other microwave associated technology.
The Americans were so amazed they went into immediate production of devices - and said ....er.... Thanks - here's some machinery in exchange.

If Politicians are so short-sighted, why don't they all wear glasses ?

[Daz Madrigal]

There was a very good film on BBC2 called the Leather Boys, which initially seemed a semi documentary on Bikers in the late 50's, early 60's. Sadly the soundtrack had neither Mod nor 'Rocker' music, just blaring semi jazz rubbish probably featuring Dirk Scorpio somewhere. Ghastly stuff.

The film was okay but a trifle odd. A young married bloke opts for life on the open road tather than settling down to a nagging wife and is befriended by a 'Seaman' who persuades him that being tied down to married life is boring and taunts him that he ought to 'spread his wings' and travel the world (the character is played by that funny looking bloke from Lovejoy).

It took me about an hour to suspect that this was a v.controversial foray into the world of homosexuality. The point was only brought home when the main character leaves his Wife and follows his biker friend into the Merchant Navy.

The final scene shows him cadging a boat in a bar full of Merchant Seaman. Theyre all raging queens and he walks home back to his wife.

I do hope Gus wasn't watching